Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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