waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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