I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's the barista slut.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
