We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
