Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
