I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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