Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
