I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
