ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
