Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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