You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
