i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
