Already got asked if we're dating
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
