Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I look better un-naked...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
