soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
