i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
