I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize