i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
