Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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