So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
