goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
