like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
