i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
