Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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