Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
