Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
