i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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