She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
