i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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