I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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