ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Randomize
