Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
