Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
