you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My feet surprised me
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