There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
