So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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