I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
