I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
