My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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