She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize