i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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