Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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