is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
