While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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