All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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