I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
