I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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