this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
