Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
