dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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