I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
