Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
