he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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