Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize