I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
