found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
