I puked a lego.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
