When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
