i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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