If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
