I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
