just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
