There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
