smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
