Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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