i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
