Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
