Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
