Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
