Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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