wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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