id be glad to
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
