he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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