I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize
