Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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