They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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