forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
