They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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