Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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