C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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