I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
