standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize