It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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