You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He better not be in your backpack
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
