i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
