North Korea, Best Korea!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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