thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
