I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize