mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
