she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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