Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
